my mom

my mom
a picture of my mother first diagnosed in 2000

Friday, December 31, 2010

Mother's keeper

I finally saw the movie My Sister's Keeper, I admit I've been avoiding it because it would remind me of the pain my mother's pain. Which it did it reminded me of how my mother sounded yesterday after chemo. She tries so hard to be strong even when she's in pain. I'm glad I watched it. Lately I've felt as if I've been falling apart, because no matter who I call no one calls me back. The movie also gave me a glipse of what a donor actually goes through. I didn't realize the extent of being a donor, but 6 days to recover vs giving my mother more time to live is worth anything I would have to endure. At the end, the sister says she thought her purpose in life was to save her sister, but at the end she realized she was blessed to have had a sister. That line struck me so hard I had to rush into my bathroom, lock the door, and sobb uncontrollably to the point where you begin to want to throw up. After going through a box of tissue, I realized I am fortunate to have a wonderful, strong, confident mother. Which is why I refuse to let her go. I can't imagine living without her. You could say I'm Cameron Diaz' character. I refuse to stop trying. I know the day will come when my mom will tell me she's ready and its time to say goodbye, but until that day I will not stop fighting and trying. I'm my mother's keeper and I will have hope that a miracle will happen. A cure will be found and save her life. My mother's keeper I am, my mother's keeper I will always be.

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