my mom

my mom
a picture of my mother first diagnosed in 2000

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Are we living or are we existing...?

I feel like my words are just as anything else in the world... empty. I created this blog to help my mother fight against ovarian cancer, yet it seems as though we are the only ones out there with this disease. I recently heard someone say are we living or are we existing... and my answer to this is, I wish I was living life more often, but I've managed to settle into this comfortable routine where I simply just exist in the world. If it were up to me, life would be perfect. But we all know that's not the case. The truth is I'm not proud of just existing. It seems that when I was a teenager, I lived more. Once I entered into adulthood, that youthfulness left me and reality made me conform to just existing. We never know when our time here on earth will end, but one thing in life is certain; death. With each passing day, I realize that I should be a better daughter, mother, and friend. I only wish that my mother could enjoy life more, when she's in treatments all she does is sleep. Luckily, when she's not in treatments, she's all over the place. If only there was a way to make it all go away... maybe since Christmas is around the corner, I should ask Santa to help me out.... just maybe. Wishful thinking if it was really all that easy. For now I'll just have to keep reminding myself "Am I living or am I just existing?"

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